Your lie in April that Shattered me
by Niklog
Summary: Kousei is broken. His life always threw him deeper into the water without a way to escape or solve his problems, but what if there was a way for him to solve them? Every problem of his? *Warning* This is a DARK fic with a little fluff at the end, there will be ****MORE**** than one person to die here. Please proceed with care. Rated M for death and *spoiler alert* suicide


**A/n's: _IMPORTENT!_**

 **Hey everyone, I'm back with yet another fic, but before you start reading this I need to let you know.  
** **This fic is dark. It gets kinda fluffy at the end but still. If you have high blood pressure, pregnant, heart deseases or just a weak heart, please leave this fic now. I repeat, this is a dark fic and it involves people coming to terms with death and it's consensuses.**

 **And on other note, I did start writing the second chapter for 'What if' and the 4th chapter of 'Tempered Iron'. Feel free to message me and review if something isn't clear.**

 **And now, into the fic we go...**

* * *

He walked off the stage with tears streaming down his face. but he didn't even flinch until he finally got to the backstage after walking through the held open door.

"Good job Arima Kousei-san" one of the staff said to him. He didn't react. Just sat down with his back against the wall, legs brought up to his chest,face in between them and his hands wrapped around them.

Now he let himself cry. And he cried, his knees were slowly being soaked with tears but he didn't care. To him there was nothing to live for. The girl that opened his eyes to the beautiful world, filled with colors and sounds that he had never seen before, had died.

That same girl that was in love with his best friend.

He felt empty. He didn't understand what there was for him to do now. It was the second time that the person that meant the most to him died by the same illness. He couldn't have been more upset.

He didn't even know how he knew about the fact that his loved girl was now dead, but he knew it for a fact. There was no mistake. She died.

And all he can do is suffer from what could be his greatest loss.

He sat there for half an hour before Aize, a teen with long spiky blond hair, walked up to Arima and asked what had happened. After getting no response from the black haired teen he decided to sit near him.

Aize didn't have a clue as to why Arima was crying like a child, but he knew that he wasn't going to stop anytime soon so he sat down next to Arima and tried to think of a way to cheer up his black haired friend that was sitting next to him.

A few minutes of thinking later, another person walked by and said hello, or at least tried to.

It was a girl with black hair. She looked at Arima and her heart sank. To see him in such a state made her feel sad.

She walked up to him and knelt down to be on the same height as his was at the moment. Slowly she wrapped her hands around Kousei and let him him cry in her embrace. she hummed some notes but no one around had any idea what melody it was except for one person. Arima recognized this tune and relaxed a bit when he heard it. some of his tension was relieved and he began to feel the warmth of the girl embracing him.

He looked up and saw Emi looking at him slowly stroking his head, as if he was a little baby.

This feeling reminded him when he was a little kid when his mother did the same to him. This worsened his feeling and he sank back into his knees that were already soaked wet from his tears. Emi didn't know what happened to her idol, the one who made her want to be a musician.

She was willing to help him get out of his state. To see him smile that bright, cute smile of his.

She didn't want him to be lost in himself, not again.

She wanted to help him, but she had no idea what to do. He didn't talk for almost twenty minutes and only cried.

She didn't think it was possible to shed so many tears. But she let him cry all he wanted, she thought that it would calm him down.

But as time went on nothing had changed, even after thirty more minutes he didn't calm down. He was still crying after fifty minutes. Then two more figures, a male and a female appeared at the door. they were also teens around the same age as Arima. They started running at the sight of the young Arima crying his heart.  
"Hey, Kousei what's wrong? Get a grip of yourself!" the male figure shouted at Arima.

He didn't reply or move. One might think he was dead if not for the sobbing sounds coming from him.

Suddenly the female figure walked up to him."Kousei? It's Tsubaki. come. let's go home."

Tsubaki said to him and helped him get up. He couldn't stand on his own so Tsubaki held him in a way that she could carry him home.

he was on her back, and she supported him by grabbing legs so he wouldn't slide off.

The walk home was silent, no one talked. nor did they want to. They had to deal with the same thing that Arima was dealing, but they didn't feel it the same way as him. After all she wasn't the one that gave their life a meaning.

When Tsubaki finally got home shortly after separating from Watari, she got into Kousei's home and went up the stairs to his room, and sat him on the bed.

He just fell down with his face onto the pillow, just burying himself in blankets and going to sleep. needless to say he had cried himself to sleep.

Tsubaki looked at him while he was crying himself to sleep, and felt like her heart had been shattered into a million pieces and then stomped on. She knew why he was so broken, that the girl he was in love with, the girl that gave him so much had died. She didn't feel the same about her, yes, of course she was sad about it since Kaori was a great friend but she still didn't feel the same as Kousei. She even felt some envy towards Kaori, having managed to do so much for Kousei in so little time. She had made him take back playing the piano, face his fear of his late mother…

Only to die.

She didn't think she could get so angry at someone. For breaking Kousei's heart. This was unforgivable. Now she couldn't forget Kaori, ever. She would never forgive her.

She went back to her house, skipping dinner to sleep.

The next day came and Arima didn't do anything. He stayed in bed feeling as if he was hit by a truck.

He didn't even get up to go to the toilet, it was too much of a bother for him.

He just lied in bed, looking up, at the ceiling, and sometimes out of the window. He didn't want to do anything, he had lost his will to do anything.

His will to play the piano, to eat, drink, walk... or even move for that matter.

He couldn't do anything but think, think about that girl that changed him so much, made him so incredible.  
All of their moments played in his head, one after another in an endless loop.

From the first time that they met, in that park, with her standing on top of the dome, playing the Melodica, to the moment on the roof just before his competition.

* * *

 **Few weeks later**

After hours of lying in bed, the young man remembered that today is her funeral. He forced himself to get out of bed, and walked to the bathroom, cleaned himself and got dressed, donning black dress pants, black shoes and a black sweater; It was a cold day.

He waited until it was time for him to go to the funeral. He didn't know why he was going, maybe to give her one last goodbye? Last respects? Or was it to find what he should do now?

He didn't know why he was going but he still went, feeling like he should and needed to go.

He opened the door and saw that it was snowing. He didn't really care now, so he walked outside, locked the door behind him, and went to the cemetery.

The walk there felt long and dragged, he heard people laughing and cars going by, occasionally there was some kids running and laughing.

That made him want to stop at the park, which was the same park where he saw her for the first time, and sat on a bench. He looked at the kids that were running around throwing snowballs at each other. A small smile was able to escape as he reminisced about how good was she with kids.

He felt like he had enough of the park and continued his walk to the cemetery. On his way he walked past the hospital that she had been hospitalized in regularly.

He took a detour to see the "Courage Bridge", He didn't really know why he wanted to go there but was sure that he did. He felt as it was completing something.

After seeing the bridge he continued to walk towards the cemetery. This time he didn't have any stops on the way, just a straight walk to there.

At the funeral Arima saw a few familiar faces. Kaori's parents, Watari and Tsubaki and few more from school, and even a judge or two from Towa Hall were there. He wasn't really sure why, but he was thankful to them for coming.

He watched as Kaori's parents scattered some of her ashes into the air, by her request. And unconsciously started shedding tears. He couldn't control it even if he wanted to, so he just let it happen.

After the funeral was over, Kaori's parents walked up to him, he had no idea why would they come to him of all people but didn't let it bother him.

"Hello Arima-kun. How are you doing?" The man out of the pair asked the young teen.

"Not much" he replied in an unimpressed tone, even though it was an absolute lie, he didn't want to say to her parents that he was as broken as he could ever be.

He didn't seem too convinced by that answer but just let it pass.

As the three chatted, Kaori's mother pulled up a letter from her purse. The letter was small and behind it had a small black cat sticker that allowed the letter to stay intact.

"Here, take this, she wanted you to have it." She said reaching her hand towards the young confused teen. He looked at the hand in front of him, not sure what was with him. He didn't know why he was so afraid of that letter. It took him a few seconds before actually taking it. "Thank you" The man in front of him said "Thank you for being her friend."

And with that they walked away, leaving Kousei alone in the cemetery near Kaori's gravestone.

Kousei didn't read the letter that day. He was so afraid of it. He wanted to know what was written inside of that letter. But it terrified him to think about it.

He put the letter on the nightstand near his bed, and went to bed to try and sleep. But as he thought he couldn't. That letter, the curiosity that came because of that small and cute letter kept him up.

He decided that he couldn't take it anymore and turned on the small light on his nightstand as he opened up the letter. He pulled the paper inside, opened it up and started reading.

 _Dear Arima Kousei._

 _It feels weird to write a letter to someone who you were just with…_

 _You're the worst._

 _Indecisive. Slowpoke. Dummy._

 _T  
he first time I ever saw you perform, I was 5 years old._

 _It was a recital for a piano school I was going to._

 _This… Awkward, clumsy kid came onto the stage and accidently hit the piano stool with his butt._

 _It was too funny._

 _Then he turned to the piano, that was way too big for him and the moment he played the first note, I was drawn in._

 _The sound was beautiful, like a 24 color palette._

 _The melodies danced._

 _The girl next to me even started crying. I wasn't expecting that at all._

 _And even so, you decided to quit the piano._

 _Even though it totally changed other people's lives._

 _You're the worst._

 _Indecisive. Slowpoke. Dummy._

 _When I found out we were in the same middle school… I was ecstatic._

 _But how would I ever come talk to you?_

 _Maybe I'll buy sandwiches everyday?_

 _But in the end all I could do is watch. After all, you guys were all too tight._

 _There was no space for me to slip in._

 _I had a surgery as a child. And since then I've been treated as an outpatient._

 _After I collapsed in 7th grade, I was in and out of the hospital, repeatedly._

 _I started spending more time in then out. I was hardly ever at school by then._

 _I knew that I wasn't very well._

 _One night, when I saw my mother and father crying in the hospital waiting room,_

 _I realized that I don't have much time._

 _That was the moment I broke into a run._

 _I started doing whatever I wanted, so I would not bring my regrets with me to heaven._

 _Those contact lenses that scared me, eating a whole cake, which I've never done before because I was worried about my weight._

 _Even the music scores that bossed me around so haughtily- I played them my way._

 _And then I just told a single lie._

 _Kaori Miyazono loves Ryota Watari…. That was the lie I told._

 _That lie would bring you before me. Arima kousei… It brought you to me._

 _Please tell Watari that I'm sorry. Well I guess it won't take long for watari to forget all about me._

 _As a friend, he's a fun guys but I'd rather have someone more intense._

 _Also, Tell Tsubaki that I'm sorry. I'm just someone who's passing by, who'll be gone._

 _I didn't want to leave an awkward mess behind, so I couldn't ask Tsubaki._

 _Or rather even If I asked her straight-up, "Please introduce me to Arima", I don't think Tsubaki would've been okay with it._

 _A_ _fter all, Tsubaki is so crazy about you, We'd all known it for a long time._

 _The only ones who didn't know were you….. And Tsubaki…._

 _The "You" That my underhanded lie brought before to me wasn't who I'd imagined._

 _You were more negative and passive then I thought,_

 _Not to mention stubborn, relentless and a camera voyer._

 _Your voice was lower than I thought, and you were more manly than I thought.  
_

 _And…. you were just as gentle as I thought._

 _The river was so cold and felt so good when we jumped off the courage bridge wasn't it?_

 _The round moon peeking into the music room looked like a delicious manju bun._

 _When we raced that train…. I really thought we could win._

 _It was fun singing twinkle twinkle little star together under the shining stars, wasn't it?_

 _There's just something about school at night, right?_

 _Don't you think that snow looks like cherry blossom petals?_

 _To be consumed by everything off-stage when I'm a musician…. That just doesn't makes sense does it?_

 _Isn't it funny how the most unforgettable scenes can be so trivial?_

 _What about you?_

 _Was I able to live inside someone's heart?_

 _Was I able to live inside your heart?_

 _Do you think you'll remember me at least a little?_

 _You'd better not hot Reset._

 _Don't forget me. Okay?_

 _That's a promise okay?_

 _I'm glad it's you after all._

 _Will I reach you?_

 _I hope I can reach you._

 _Arima Kousei._

 _I love you._

 _I love you._

 _I love you._

He finished reading the letter and saw few wet spots on the letter. He didn't even realize that he was crying again. Now he was even more devastated. Not only he loved her, She loved him. He didn't know what to do, how to react. He went to the piano and started playing something, not something that was written. Just playing his emotions on the piano. The colors he saw as he played were mostly red, blue and white.

He didn't know what the white color meant, he knew the Blue was sorrow and the Red was anger but the white? He had no clue.

After calming down he went to bed to sleep. He lied down on his bed looking at the ceiling and closed his eyes, in seconds he fell asleep.

As early morning lights peeked through the curtains he started to shift in his bed uncomfortably and woke up. Deciding to be seated, he slowly sat up using his hands from behind as support. he looked out of the window and saw light just barely coming into view. Looking at the clock confirmed that it was still early in the morning. He tried lying back and going to sleep but without any luck, he was wide awake.

Seeing as he can't go back to sleep he decided to do some chores. But it wasn't very successful.

As he walked into the piano room he broke down. Sadness instantly rushing into his heart, grabbing and squeezing it. He fell on his knees, breaking down into tears.

After an hour of sobbing, he finally got himself together and stopped, his eyes still red from crying so much. He got up and went back to his room. He sat down on his bed, and leaned his head back. He wasn't sure what to do. He let himself fall back on his back and looked up at the ceiling of his room.

He didn't want to go to school because it was too painful for him. So that was out of the question.

He can't play the piano, it was even more painful.

Maybe reading? but he didn't have a good book and didn't actually have the will to start reading one.

He continued to wonder what should he do, and time kept flowing forwards, like a river. It didn't wait for him to think, but to him it stopped after that performance.

He started crying again, thinking that if she was here, he would probably call her, or tell her and everyone else to meet up.

He realized something, he had this feeling from the start, that it can end. End this suffering, this torture, the pain... Everything can go away. But he didn't want to do it, he had his friends with him... or so he thought.

After the funeral Tsubaki was being distant from him, having general conversations, as if they aren't best friends from elementary school.

Watari also kept his distance, although he did go and check on him every once in awhile to see how he was doing. Kousei thought he was just letting him get over everything, giving him the time needed to go back to himself.

But it wasn't easy. Or possible.

Arima again began to think of his options. Those that were left for him to choose now. He looked at what he had, what he was feeling. He looked to see if there was anything for him to lose, to live for.

And as he finally found the answer to his questions, it was already night time. He didn't really care, so he just turned the little light on his desk, and started writing, a letter.

He finished writing the letter and packed it into a blue envelope. On one side there was his name, but he left the other side empty. Almost as if he didn't know who he was sending it to.

* * *

A woman stood next to a black door with a kid holding on to one of her hands, while the free hand knocked on the door. She knocked once, no one answered. She knocked twice, still no one responded. She knocked for the third time and yet again. No one responded.

'He's probably sleeping again.' The woman thought as she opened the door and walked inside.

"Sorry for the intrusion" she shouted, in case he was awake. But no one answered. If she didn't know better, she thought there was no one in the house or maybe even worse.

She put her kid on the floor and removed her shoes. "Go play in the living room" She said to the little blond girl.

The girl smiled and ran off to the living room. The woman smiled as she looked at her little daughter playing in the living room, and went upstairs to wake a certain idiot that she knew.

She walked up and saw two letters on the floor. One in a pink envelope, and one with a blue envelope. She picked them up and saw that both of them weren't sealed off.

She guessed that it was to her to read, she opened the pink one first, as she thought it meant it is for a girl to open. But what she discovered shocked her a little, she found out the girl that inspired Kousei, and died a month ago, loved him and not his best friend.

The letter made her curious about what was written in the second letter, which was most likely from Kousei. She opened up the little blue envelope and pulled the letter out and started reading it.

 _Hi._

 _To whoever finds this letter._

 _I'm writing this letter because when you'll find this, I will probably won't be within the world of the living. So I wanted to say a few things before actually leaving this world._

 _First of all I wanted to say sorry. I'm sorry everyone. Tsubaki, Watari, Aize, Mei, Hiroko-san, Takeshi and everyone who knew me, whether if it's personally or just the name from the classical world._

 _I'm sorry._

 _This past month was my worst time of my life and you might even know what I've been through in my life._

 _But this last month...? I've been a wreck this whole time, Everything else compared to this is like a light breeze of wind._

 _Ever since last spring, in April, my life had changed. my whole perspective had changed. I started seeing colors in my monotone world. Can you imagine how was it to someone like me? Can you understand how I felt..? Seeing all of these colors? My mind was blown. I finally understood what Tsubaki was saying about seeing a colorful world._

 _And then... Then I started feeling._

 _I began to feel the sounds I was playing. Those same piano sounds, notes, that I had believed were lost in the bottom of the ocean, where there's no light and no one is there to save me._

 _I started feeling them, imagining them, I realized that I didn't need to hear the sounds to play. I just needed to let myself play, let the emotions flow, and it would have a sound, color._

 _I overcame my fear of playing the piano, the fear of that shadow that stood beside me every-time I played. The same shadow I used as an excuse to not play... The same shadow of my late mother…_

 _Ahh... It was nice to finally say goodbye to her.  
_

 _And do you, the ones who read this, know why this had happened? Because of a one special, violent, hot headed Blonde that barged into my life._

 _She walked inside without taking her shoes off, trampling on everything I know. Taking me out of my comfort zone._

 _She was the one that helped me say goodbye to my mother._

 _She was the one that showed me the colors in music, in the world, to see through my own eyes._

 _She helped me discover myself again. She helped me realize what I really was worth._

 _Without her I couldn't even think about playing the piano again. She was my reason to play._

 _And even though she helped me so much... I couldn't have helped her in the end. I couldn't even thank her, nor will I ever be able to._

 _Her illness took her away from me. That was the second time that this god damn illness took someone who was precious to me, from me._

 _And so this past month I've been thinking, what should I do? Is there something left for me in this world?_

 _And you might think, yes of course, you have your friends and family who love you._

 _And to be honest? I don't think they would understand me, even if they knew her. They weren't in the same spot as I was. They didn't feel what I felt! No._

 _They were just running away from me and sometimes checking whether I was okay. And while I understand that it was out of concern and they just wanted to let me get over it on my own, it wasn't something that should be done with someone who had lost someone so precious to them they might even call family._

 _So I thought about what should I do now, and I don't have anything to do. my reason to play, No, My reason to live, has disappeared in front of me. left my life, after doing SO much to me._

 _I've lost my will to do anything. All I'm doing is lying in my bed and staring into the nothingness._

 _Then it hit me. Like a damn truck, there's nothing left for me in this world. I have nothing that can keep me happy. And so I've finally decided what I'm gonna do. And it is probably the only option I have left at this point._

 _Suicide._

 _And you might think for yourself that suicide is a permanent solution for temporary problems. Or even try and think about what would happen to those around me. And while those are nice argument, they are not strong enough to keep my will to live, I've suffered so much even if it was in my short life, I have still suffered an amount that even an adult would be shocked._

 _I don't think I can live on baring it for the rest of my life._

 _And so with this letter I actually bidding a farewell to everyone. I'm sorry and goodbye._

 _P.S. Tell Tsubaki that she doesn't have to be sad, there are still things left for her to do._

 _Tell Watari that when he will find the one the he really love he won't even look at other girls._

 _It was fun, but I can't go on._

Gasping the woman fell on her knees, her hands were now warping her mouth. Tears falling from her eyes as she was reading, now a cascade as she finished..

She was shocked.

She had no way of comprehending the idea that Kousei, the cute little boy that her best friend had, was now dead. And to make things worse, he had committed suicide.

The woman was now staring at the door, in which behind should lay the teen who'd been known in the classical world as the prodigy, Arima Kousei.

Thoughts ran through her mind, Was there a way that she could've helped him? Made him avoid this path? Made him happy again?

She began to doubt whether him playing the piano again helped him. Whether the meeting of that girl, that died a little over a month ago, had been good for him.

And to be honest, she didn't know.

She had no idea how important to him that girl was.

Slowly standing up she looked at the door in front of her. Tears fell off the woman's face as she slowly opened the door.

She knew why he wasn't answering now. He was dead, the only thing left for her to find out is the way that he died. The way he committed suicide.

She was petrified of the thought, seeing a lifeless body of the son of her best friend which was almost like her own. She looked inside his room, and just barely was able to hold off her launch.

The image she walked in was a messy room with music notes all around, a table with crumpled paper all around it. On the table there were a few blank white sheets, and a pen.

The bed was undone, and messy as always. near the bed there was a fallen chair.

And right in front of her eyes, there was a dead kousei, hanging by a homemade rope.

Her legs failed her once again and she fell, she couldn't hold back her sadness and tears and let herself cry. She cried for a solid ten minutes before she heard tiny footsteps going up the stairs.

When she realized that her daughter was coming up she quickly got herself back up and walked out, closing the door behind her. Making sure the girl wouldn't find the traumatizing image in the room.

The girl finally got to the second floor only to see her mother sitting next to the door, her eyes slightly red.

"Something wong mama?" The little girl asked the elder woman in front of her with a slight tilt of head. The woman just smiled and picked her up on her hands. "No, Nothing wrong" She said quickly , with a slight sob.

'Goodbye Kousei. I'm sorry that it had to end that way, but I'm sorry. I wish I would've realized it sooner that you were suffering so much.'

* * *

Suddenly he woke up. But he wasn't in his room.

He wasn't sure where he was, there was blue all around him. It felt as if he was walking on water.

He felt like he somewhat recognized this place but he wasn't sure from where. but he had definitely been there even though there was no way he could've been there.

Then he felt a familiar presence.

The one presence he longed for. He looked around and saw her. He saw that blond hair waving in the air. those crystal blue eyes looking straight at him.

There was a girl standing there with a violin in her hand and a bow in the other. "I've been waiting for you..." She said.

The young man's eyes started tearing up as he ran towards the girl.

They hugged and look at each other spinning around around themselves. "I love you" Said the black haired teen, only to be replied with "I love you too" from the girl.

And for the first time both of their lips touched and locked into a passionate kiss as both of their figures slowly disappeared into nothing.

* * *

 **A/n's:  
** **Yo guys what's up. I'm here with another Your lie in April fic. This time it's a one shot.  
** **I had this idea after i wrote the last fic, and yeah... I had some pretty dark stuff in my mind after that fluffy fic.  
But yeah This fic will not go on as both of them are dead, I might make an Omake about the reactions of people from the fic but I wouldn't count on it.**

So, If you liked this fic and would like to see more of my stuff, look into my stories.  
If you liked this one shot, Like it, review it and Favorite it.  
And Follow me for more content.

 **I'm out.**


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